


A Better Way

by fembuck



Series: Behind Closed Doors [2]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:12:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7283110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fembuck/pseuds/fembuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bea is feeling overwhelmed but for the first time in weeks she seeks out something other than her blade to help her through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Better Way

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows the events of my previous story, “The Promise of Tomorrow.” It’s not really necessary to have read that one to follow this story, but there are a few references to it in this one so you may want to check it out :)

The block was deserted when Bea returned from the Governor’s office, her shoulders tense with the weight of more requests from Bennett to tighten her grip on a population of women that Bea was already hyper-aware she was losing control over.

She’d lost her edge she supposed, while housed at Walford during repairs to the block after the fire. Away from Wentworth and her role as Top Dog, she had been able to relax. She’d read books, she’d drawn in her sketch book for hours; she’d really relaxed in the yard - sitting on benches and leaning against fences - talking and joking with her mates. She had still scanned the yard at Walford of course, she had still kept her eyes open, she was still in a prison after all, but she’d been able to go months without having to utter a threat or smash her fist into another human beings face.

And then the repairs had been completed, and they returned … home.

Despite the lack of sound, Bea moved from cell to cell and peered inside, checking that everyone was really gone before she walked into her cell and closed the door, leaning against it heavily a moment later as she shut her eyes, blocking out the light and trying to block out the world.

It didn’t work of course. Bea’s mind didn’t need light to keep working, to keep turning, to keep torturing her. Her brain had become quite accomplished at haunting her at all hours of the day and night.  Whenever she was alone with her thoughts for more than a few minutes it began.

Bea covered her ears with the palms of her hands, but when she couldn’t block out the sound of her own mind, she exhaled loudly in frustration and then walked towards her shelf, towards the few books on it and the tooth-brush shiv she had hidden behind them.

She’d agreed - while Allie was there and warm against her days ago - that she’d try talking first, that she’d reach for Allie before reaching for a blade. It had seemed reasonable at the time, when Bea’s senses were filled with the scent of Allie’s shampoo, the gentle rise and fall of her chest against her side, and the warmth of her hand over Bea’s.  It had definitely seemed possible that she could avoid the lure of a razor if she had Allie and her warmth and her smile instead.

In those moments of raw peace, Bea had begun to believe that it wasn’t really pain that she needed, so much as she simply needed to feel _something_ that was strong enough to block out the pain of everything else.

Allie did that.

What she felt for Allie, with Allie, did that.

That night in the mess hall, during their first night together in the slot, bathing together in the showers, even being held by Allie just days before, had been strong enough to blunt the pain.

That was strong enough to make her smile.

That had been strong enough to actually make her hope.

But Allie wasn’t in her cell then, and Bea was so overwhelmed, and the blade was so close. The yard was open and Bea knew that Allie was probably out there with Kaz and her crew, but the way she was feeling, the thought of walking out of her cell seemed impossible to Bea, at least without bleeding away some of the pressure first.

But if she did that …

… if she did that, she’d have to stay away from Allie.

She couldn’t, she wouldn’t let Allie see her with a fresh cut, she was too proud for that. Allie seeing her like that once had been devastating enough.

Pain or pleasure, Allie or the blade … Bea knew she had to choose.

xxx

Bea caught Allie’s eyes from behind the wire fence that led into the yard. Allie was with Kaz’s usual group, but she was slightly off to the side, idly switching between scanning the yard and watching Kaz as she held court like Franky used to - like Bea had not long ago – Kaz’s arm draped warmly over Mara’s shoulders as she joked with her girls, Ferguson a silent sentinel off to her right.

The vibrancy of the red in Bea’s hair had faded during her temporary stay at Walford, but the parts that remained still stood out against the institutional grays and blues of the prison, so it wasn’t long until Allie’s roaming eyes spotted Bea behind the fence.

When Allie’s gaze finally fell on her, Bea was caught for a moment and simply stared at her until the wild and panicky feeling she had been battling all afternoon reared its ugly head again and she remembered why she had come out to the yard.

Bea jerked her head in the direction of the main building, and then turned back to face Allie, holding her eyes for a moment longer before she forced herself to turn and head back down the gravel walkway towards the inside of the building, and hopefully some time alone with Allie.

Kaz’s hand caught Allie as she rose from her spot on the bench and turned to make her way towards Bea.

“Where’re you off to?” Kaz asked softly, her eyes drifting towards the fence where Bea had been standing moments ago, clearly already knowing the answer her question.

“Let’s not do this, huh?” Allie replied, knowing that Kaz knew exactly where she was off to and why.

“You don’t have to run when she calls,” Kaz said, focusing her cool blue eyes on Allie’s pointedly.

“No, I don’t,” Allie agreed meeting Kaz’s gaze steadily. “But I want to go to her now,” she continued, her head briefly turning towards the last place she saw Bea. “Are you gonna stop me?”

Kaz released Allie’s wrist and eased back out of the younger woman’s personal space.

“You’re your own woman,” Kaz responded, holding up her hands.  “Just be careful with her,” she sighed.  “She’s scared and desperate right now. That can make people dangerous, and Bea’s already a shark.”

“Being desperate and scared can also hurt a person, which is why it’s when they need their friends the most.”

“It says something that hers are starting to run,” Kaz pointed out, her eyes drifting over to Doreen, watching for a second as she flipped through a magazine with Kylie, seated openly at Kaz’s bench, with Kaz’s crew.

“Maybe,” Allie murmured, “but not really about Bea,” she continued, holding Kaz’s eyes steadily.

Kaz’s gaze was still concerned, and a little disappointed, but she nodded her head at Allie and breathed out, “Okay,” before reaching out to squeeze Allie’s arm.

Kaz then turned and headed back to the rest of her girls, while Allie turned and headed towards hers.

xxx

When Allie stepped through the gateway to Bea’s unit, she found Bea waiting for her in front of her cell, her left foot tapping at the floor nervously as she clenched and unclenched her fists, jittery with anxiety.

“You came,” Bea said, relief clear in her voice as her foot stilled and her arms fell to her sides, trying too late to mask how nervous the delay in Allie’s arrival had made her.

“Always,” Allie stated certainly before offering Bea a small smile as she took a careful step forward, moving slowly to avoid spooking the redhead.

“Thanks,” Bea said, glancing down as she dug the toe of her sneaker into the floor.

“I’d say you’re welcome,” Allie responded as came close enough to touch.  “But honestly, I’d poke a sleeping bear if it meant that we could be alone in its cave, so really you did me a favor,” she continued, reaching out for Bea’s hand and taking in gently in her own, drawing Bea’s eyes back up to meet hers.

The move and her words made Bea’s lips twitch up in one of those small, involuntarily shy and sweet smiles that made Allie just melt, and Allie’s own lips curved up into a bright smile at the sight of it.

“Will you…” Bea began roughly, the words sticking in her throat as tried not to focus on what Allie had seen the last time she had walked through Bea’s door. “Do you want to come in?” Bea managed to get out, her head jerking in the direction of her cell as her fingers clenched tightly at Allie’s.

“Try and stop me,” Allie breathed out with a smile, stroking the back of Bea’s hand with her thumb, hoping to soothe some of the nervous tension she could see and feel radiating through Bea’s beautiful frame.

Bea’s eyes closed briefly, and then she breathed out in what sounded like relief, her lips twitching up quickly before she turned and began to lead Allie into her cell by their joined hands.

xxx

Allie had indulged in plenty of fantasies about what might happen if she found herself in Bea Smith’s cell with the door closed, but she held no expectations as she followed Bea wordlessly into the small cell. So, it came as a very welcome surprise to Allie when she found herself pressed up against the small section of wall next the door, wearing Bea’s lips, seconds after the door had clicked shut.

Bea was ravenous at first, her mouth demanding and hot against Allie’s as her hands roamed over her body, squeezing, and massaging and caressing whatever she could reach as Allie tilted her head back, offering her neck to Bea’s hungry mouth, happy to let herself be devoured.

When Bea’s hands finally came to a stop on her hips and her mouth pulled back from Allie’s neck to bathe it with her warm, panting breathes, Allie reached up and cupped Bea’s face, staring at her reverently for a few intimate seconds before she leaned into Bea and brought their lips together again in a softer, and calmer, but just as passionate kiss which drew a soft, content sigh from Bea as her body bowed helplessly towards Allie, seeking more of her warmth and delicious curves.

The need to breathe forced them to separate eventually, and when they did, Bea reached up and gently ran the backs of her fingers over Allie’s soft cheek, her eyes glittering with an intoxicating mixtures of awe, appreciation, and longing that enchanted Allie, and made her ache powerfully at the top of her thighs, and also her heart.

“You’re too good for me,” Bea breathed out, sounding almost apologetic.

And then, before Allie could voice the protests that immediately sprang to her lips, Bea’s head was angling up slightly, and then Bea’s lips were pressed against hers again, kissing her deeply as Bea’s hand squeezed Allie’s tightly, holding on, as if scared that Allie would evaporate should she let go of her for even a second.

xxx

They made it to the bed eventually, fumbling their way through the small room until the back of Allie’s knees hit the bed and she lay back, gratefully accepting Bea’s weight on top of her moments later.

Bea’s mouth was insatiable as she kissed her way back and forth between Allie’s mouth and neck, sucking, and licking, and nipping in a way that made Allie’s body strain and her mind hot and light with pleasure.

“Can I?” Bea asked, her kiss swollen lips drawing Allie’s eyes to them as Bea gazed down at her, her fingers teasing just under the edge of Allie’s t-shirt.

“Fuck yes, please,” Allie moaned, pushing herself up onto her elbow in order to capture Bea’s lips in a kiss that she soon found herself groaning into when the Bea’s hands finally found her breasts under her shirt.

xxx

In-between kisses and touches and brushes of thumbs over stiff nipples, Bea managed to remove Allie’s tank and bra, leaving the blonde panting and naked from the waist up.

She was beautiful, she was so beautiful.

Bea wanted to see all of her, to touch all of her, to love every single of inch of Allie’s body, but the need pulsing inside of her would not let her be so poetic.

She needed to feel Allie arching into her body, straining, begging for her touch.

She needed to draw more of those soft, needy, sighs of pleasure from Allie’s delicious mouth.

She needed Allie.

She needed Allie.

She needed Allie.

Bea’s hand slid down Allie’s toned torso they kissed, slow, deep, luxurious kisses that curled Allie’s toes and tightened muscles at the top of Bea’s thighs.

Bea’s fingers teased hot trails along the skin just above the waistband of Allie’s track suit bottoms, drawing a gasp from the blonde as her hips bucked, needing more of Bea’s touch.

Bea might not have been able to look Allie in the eyes while Allie had been talking to Boomer about ‘self-massage’ techniques, but that didn’t mean that she hadn’t been listening.

For most of her adult life sex was not something that Bea had wanted or sought out, often choosing to forgo even the pleasures that could be taken from her own hands.

Allie had changed that.

The rush of warmth, the shivers, the wet throbbing heat between her legs that Allie’s touch and Allie’s nearness and Allie’s voice evoked in her had inspired Bea to explore herself on more than a few nights, and though she had never been with a woman before, Bea was confident she had learned enough from touching herself to figure out how to make Allie cry out into her pillow too.

“Holy fuck,” Allie gasped, her head tilting back and her eyes squeezing shut as Bea’s hand disappeared all of the way into her pants, strong fingers immediately pressing against Allie’s panties, sliding against the slick material where Allie’s arousal had already soaked through.

“Wait,” Allie panted, “Wait,” she rasped again as her hand moved between her legs to cover Bea’s, stilling her hand. “Are you sure?” Allie asked softly, watching Bea’s face closely, knowing that the truth of what Bea was feeling was more often found in her eyes than in the words she spoke.

Allie had wanted Bea to touch her this way for so long that it seemed insane to put a pause on things when Bea was so close to where Allie had been aching for her.  But as she lay there panting, hard nipples tingling in the cool air of the room, Allie realized that things had moved quickly, really quickly considering it was Bea, and as much as she wanted it – and dear God did she want it – she needed to know that Bea was really ready, and wanted it too.

“Are you?” Bea rasped, her body becoming rigid with tension as she stared down at Allie, wondering if this was to be another fuck up to add to the list, one more situation she had misread, yet another person she had managed to disappoint.

“I’m right where I want to be,” Allie replied softly, holding Bea’s gaze.  “Here, with you,” Allie continued, struggling not to let herself get distracted by the warmth of Bea’s hand still pressed against her.  “I’m just … I know I haven’t been exactly shy about how much I want you, but you’re my friend first. We can be in here, I can hold you,” Allie continued, the last two words coming out as barely a whisper, “without you needing to … you know, do anything … for me,” she finished softly, her eyes finally shifting away from Bea’s.

“Hey,” Bea said softly, shifting her head to try and catch Allie’s eyes.  “Allie Cat,” Bea breathed out, her voice cracking roughly around the edge of her name in that way that made Allie tingle down to her toes.  “Look at me.  Please,” Bea added softly, and that was what undid Allie.  “I know you better than that,” Bea went on once Allie was facing her again.  “I’d never think that of you,” she whispered before leaning down to kiss Allie softly.  “And that’s not what this is. I want this,” Bea sighed, her eyelids hooding as her breathing began to quicken.  “I want to touch you.  I honestly can’t think of anything I want more.”

Allie breathed out raggedly, her eyes fluttering closed for a few seconds as her hand slipped away from Bea’s, leaving Bea free to explore once again.

“Please,” Allie whispered.

At Allie’s exhale, Bea’s muscles relaxed and she eased her body down until she was pressed against the length of Allie’s body. And then, lips were on each other’s again, Bea’s tongue swiping into Allie’s mouth as her hand teased down, moving to where Allie wanted and needed her the most.

xxx

There were no words for what Bea felt the first time she slid inside of Allie and felt her, hot, and wet, and pulsing around her, inner-muscles pulling at her finger like Allie never wanted to exist without Bea inside of her again.

Physically, it felt similar to when she was touching herself, but emotionally … emotionally, being inside of Allie was on a whole other level.

Allie’s eyes had slipped closed when Bea had pushed inside of her, her lips parting to moan Bea’s name, and then staying slightly open when her breathing became more ragged as pleasure continued to mount inside of her.

It was a struggle to coordinate the motion, but Allie managed to lift her hand from where it had been clutching at Bea’s bed sheet and bring it to Bea’s face. Her intention had been to direct Bea down into a kiss, but when her thumb brushed over Bea’s bottom lip, Bea had opened her mouth and tilted her head to the side, capturing Allie’s thumb in her mouth and sucking, which left Allie moaning as desire shuddered through her.

As Allie’s pleasure grew and her muscles turned increasing liquid, her hand fell away from Bea’s face, back down towards the mattress which Allie ran her fingers along until they found the hand Bea had braced against the bed and covered it with her own.

“What do you need?” Bea panted, knowing that Allie was close, but not sure how to tip her over the edge.  “How do I make you come?” she asked breathlessly, as desperate to see Allie come as Allie herself was to climax.

Allie’s eyes rolled back in her head and her hips jerked up into Bea’s hand helplessly.

“Don’t stop,” Allie managed to gasp out, “Talk to me,” she added, desperately wanting to come with the sound of Bea’s voice in her ear.

Bea had no plans of stopping, but the ‘talk to me’ threw her a bit.  She wasn’t sure that she had any sort of proficiency with dirty talk.  She’d only ever been with Harry and she hadn’t wanted to do anything to entice him. She knew she’d stumbled upon some phrases that had seemed to have an arousing effect on Allie, but she hadn’t really known that they would when she’d said them.

She tried desperately then, to remember the sorts of things that had seemed to turn Allie on, wanting more than anything to make Allie shatter beneath her in pleasure.

“It feels so good inside of you,” Bea whispered hotly into Allie’s neck, smiling into the damp flesh when she felt Allie’s inner-walls clench tightly at her fingers, confirming that she was on the right track. “My imagination didn’t do it justice,” she purred, watching as Allie’s eyes squeezed shut and her features twisted with arousal as she bit down on her bottom lip. “Thinking about you, it was good, it was _really_ good.  But actually feeling you is _so much better_.”

“Jesus, Bea,” Allie moaned, imagining Bea touching herself as Bea imaged touching her.  “On this bed?” Allie gasped, picturing Bea behind her closed eyes, Bea’s hand on her own tits, squeezing and tugging at hard nipples.  Bea’s head tilted back, neck muscles straining as her strong arm worked, her hips lifting to fuck herself harder on her fingers as she panted Allie’s name. “

“My head where your head is right now,” Bea breathed out, a sharp stab of desire throbbing between her legs when Allie’s eyes opened and focused on her hotly. “My legs spread, like yours are,” she continued, feeling Allie’s muscles begin to tense beneath her and knowing that it meant she was close, very close. “My fingers …” Bea thrust powerfully inside of Allie, literally driving her point home, “Thinking about you in the shower … if I’d pressed you against the wall like I wanted to ... God, I was so fucking hot for you,” Bea admitted, breathless with her efforts and the desire that was currently coursing through her. “I know we said we wouldn’t, but if Jones hadn’t walked in I don’t know if I could’ve stopped myself from having you right th--”

Allie’s hand clutched at Bea’s so tightly it was almost painful as lips parted and her eyes squeezed shut, her head tilting back into Bea’s pillow as her back arched, driving her hips up into Bea’s hand as orgasm tore through her.

Bea stayed with Allie, fingers guiding her through her climax until Allie breathed out in a rush and her body slumped against the mattress once again, momentarily spent.

“Oh my god,” Allie exhaled, laughing breathlessly, grinning up at Bea who smiled back at her through a blush, and then began to laugh along with Allie, the blonde’s words helping to ease a little of the performance anxiety that had been lingering inside of her despite having seen Allie to completion.

“So it was alright?” Bea asked, settling onto her side beside Allie.

“Alright?” Allie breathed out, “Six hours of sleep is alright. A ten percent off sale is alright.  A plain glazed donut is alright,” she continued, her playful words lighting Bea’s face up with a smile.  “Iceberg lettuce and futons are alright … _that_ ,” Allie stated, running her fingers along Bea’s arm until her fingers were able to play with Bea’s fingers, “was amazing … transcendent. You made me feel so good,” she whispered to Bea earnestly, before bringing their lips together softly.  “Can I make you feel good?” Allie asked when their lips parted, laying her hand on Bea’s thigh but not moving it as she waited for Bea’s response.

Bea’s chest rose and fell quickly as she nodded her head, a soft, husky “Okay,” falling from her lips as her eyes darted over Allie’s features skittishly, her body tight with nervous tension at the thought of being touched despite the aching wetness between her thighs.

“You’re sure?” Allie asked, her hand twitching against Bea’s thigh but holding still until she got that final confirmation.  “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Bea’s eyes closed for a moment as she took a deep, fortifying breath, reminding herself that things were different now. Allie wasn’t Harry. Allie wanted to give her pleasure, not take pleasure from her. Allie was asking, always had asked and Bea knew, always would. This connection with Allie, this intimacy, it was wanted. This was Bea’s choice. She wanted to be with Allie, to give herself to Allie, and she would not let fear keep her from having it.

Bea opened her eyes and met Allie’s with determination.  “I’m sure,” Bea breathed out, keeping her eyes on Allie’s as she spoke, and then Bea reached for the blonde with a shaky hand, covering the hand Allie had on her leg with her own before she began to guide Allie’s hand higher up her thigh.

xxx

If Bea had been with anyone but Allie, she might have been embarrassed by the tears that came to her eyes as her body convulsed in orgasm, and continued to fall afterwards, her body shaking in increasing heavy sobs as Allie moved from between her legs to gather her in her arms and held her close, whispering gentle words to her that Bea could no longer recall but which had been her touch stone as she fell apart.

The tears were happy tears; relieved tears, satisfied tears. Despite marriage, and age, and motherhood, and the self-explorations that she had admitted to earlier, nothing Bea had experienced before had prepared her for what it would be like to be made love to by someone gentle, and loving, who was more focused on giving Bea pleasure than seeing to their own. All of her life Bea had heard people rave about sex, wanting sex, needing sex, thinking about sex, and now finally, after so many years, Bea truly understood why.

Minutes later, Bea’s eyes blinked open to meet Allie’s, her gaze shy, but before she could utter a word to try and explain why the loveliness Allie had just shared with her brought her to tears, Allie had whispered, “It’s okay,” and then leaned in and kissed Bea’s forehead, and then each of Bea’s salty cheeks, before she finally brought their lips together in a sweet, slow kiss that helped Bea to relax fully into her embrace.

Bea would have to be strong again soon, when they inevitably had to leave the cocoon of her cell. But in that moment, wrapped up together in bed, Bea didn’t have to be anything except what she was, a woman blissfully exhausted from making love who wanted nothing more than snuggle into the arms of her partner and rest.

“You were right,” Bea said softly, many minutes later, breaking the silence that had descended over the room as they lay together peacefully.

“About what?” Allie asked curiously, her hand continuing to run up and down the curve of Bea’s back as Bea rested curled against her side, her thigh thrown lazily over Allie’s as her head lay over Allie’s heart.

“I didn’t come to power through charm, and I have no idea how to rule by it now,” Bea admitted, breathing out deeply.

Allie was quiet for a moment, her eyes traveling over Bea’s features, observing her furrowed brows and the tightness in her jaw, as she felt Bea’s muscles stiffen with tension beneath her hand as the politics of Wentworth and the pressures of being Top Dog began to weigh Bea down again.

Allie shifted slightly on the small mattress so that she could better see Bea’s face, and speaking softly, her voice a little hesitant, she asked, “Do you have to rule at all?”

She knew that Bea had seized power to try and keep the prison drug free, but Kaz hated gear just much as Bea did, and Bea had to know that if Kaz became Top Dog she’d do her best to keep the prison clean. She’d heard stories about how bad the drug problem in the prison had been under Jacs Holt, and she knew how little gear she’d seen since arriving at Wentworth, so if the drugs had been Bea’s motivating factor for ascending to the role of Top Dog, then maybe now that she had largely succeeded, she could let someone else take a turn bearing the burden of the job.

Bea exhaled roughly and shook her head faintly before closing her eyes, breathing in and out deeply.

“I can’t leave things to Kaz,” Bea said eventually.

“Why not?” Allie asked.  “I know she can be manipulative, and opportunistic, but she does genuinely care about the women in here.  About women everywhere,” Allie continued earnestly.  “She may like being center stage, but she honestly wants to take care of women, to protect them …”

“Unlike me?” Bea asked, her eyes cutting away from Allie’s as her back tensed even more under Allie’s hand.

“I wouldn’t be here with you right now if I believed that,” Allie replied seriously.  “You told me you had to become Top Dog to clean up the prison, to get rid of the gear because Franky wouldn’t do it. But Kaz’ll do it. She fought it outside and she’ll fight in here too. And she wants this. You don’t,” Allie said tenderly, but confidently. She’d seen how Bea had to square her shoulders before walking into the middle of a conflict. She’d seen the way Bea had to put on her game face; she’d seen the still tender heart that beat inside of Bea, and two before she had seen just how big a toll acting as Top Dog had taken on that beautiful heart.  “You never really did,” Allie continued softly, “And it’s hurting you.  Why not let it go?”

“Because I can’t …” Bea bit out, her voice pained as she shook her head again, the movement more emphatic.

“Why n…”

“Because the Freak’s got her!” Bea exclaimed hotly, propping herself up on her hand so that she was gazing down at Allie.

She might have been able to live with Kaz as Top Dog.  They had their differences, but Kaz wasn’t as cruel or tyrannical as Jacs Holt, she was more controlled and principled than Franky, and the women respected Kaz more than they feared her. Kaz was not a terrible option, and Bea was so beyond exhausted from dealing with everyone’s demands, and their problems, and their ingratitude, all while trying to manage her own issues.

The thought of stepping down was so tempting. The idea of just existing while someone else dealt with Bennett, and the screws, and all of the complaints about everything thing from the amount of yard time to the thickness of their blanks, was so appealing to Bea that the thought of it was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes. But sweet as her fantasies of what that might be like were, she knew they were just that, fantasies.

The reality was that Kaz was no longer her own entity.  If Bea stepped down she wouldn’t really be leaving Kaz in charge because Ferguson had already infected her.  Wherever Kaz was, there was the Freak, right beside her, whispering into her ear.

“I know what Ferguson is,” Bea continued, speaking more softly though her eyes continued to blaze, “and she still manages to keep jamming me up.  I can’t outflank her … I know and I can’t, I can’t do a fucking thing.  Kaz isn’t even looking,” Bea sighed.  “She’s useful to the Freak right now, but she’ll go after Kaz the moment Kaz comes to power, undermining her, chipping away at everyone around her until…” Bea sighed.  “If we’re lucky it’ll lead to war.  If we’re not, it leads to the Freak as Top Dog.  I’ve seen this place at war, and I’ve seen this place under the Freak. I won’t leave these women … I won’t leave _you_ to that. I can’t walk away.  I have to fight, at least for now.”

Allie gazed up at Bea tenderly after Bea had finished, aching for Bea in ways both pleasant and painful, before giving in to her desires and pushing up onto her arm so that she could lean in and bring their lips in a slow, sweet kiss.

“I thought you’d be mad,” Bea said when they separated, her brows furrowed slightly in confusion.

“Why?” Allie asked breathlessly.

“I’m being stubborn,” Bea replied, holding back the ‘and I’m making your life more difficult’.  She knew that their relationship was causing tension between Allie and Kaz, and that stepping down would have likely relieved most of that tension, but she couldn’t do it. She might have been struggling, but she wasn’t that weak.

“When aren’t you being stubborn?” Allie asked smiling, her grin only getting wider when Bea frowned at her.  “Does it look like I mind?” Allie continued, looking down pointedly at their naked bodies.

“No,” Bea murmured, following Allie’s gaze and getting momentarily distracted by the sight spread out before her.

“No, “Allie confirmed firmly, completely aware of Bea’s distraction which gave her just the opportunity she needed to reach down and grab two handfuls of Bea’s ass which drew a bark of surprised but happy laughter from Bea before Allie was kissing her again, smiling into Bea’s mouth as her fingers tickled Bea’s sides and Bea squirmed against her, laughing into their kiss.

“I want to help you,” Allie whispered into Bea’s neck as her hands came to stop, allowing Bea to catch her breath.

“I want you to be safe,” Bea said, her hand reaching up to stroke Allie’s cheek.

“Both can be true,” Allie responded softly as her hands began to trail lightly, soothingly over Bea’s skin.

Bea angled her head away from Allie and closed her eyes, a little moisture appearing in the corners of them.

“I wish that was true,” Bea finally breathed out, turning to face Allie, blinking again and again in an attempt to hold back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “I can’t back down from this, but I’m … compromised,” she continued, her gaze skittering away from Allie’s as she admitted her weakness.  “I want to protect you,” she whispered, “but I don’t know if I can.  I don’t know how to win this time.”

“Then let’s figure it out,” Allie replied without a moment of hesitation.

“Allie,” Bea sighed, the protest she was about to voice already visible in her eyes.

“I told you I’m here with you and I meant it,” Allie voiced before Bea could say more than her name.

“Five minutes ago you thought I should retire,” Bea pointed out, a little hurt showing through in her voice though she tried to stop it.

“Well, since you have a penthouse overlooking the beach,” Allie retorted dryly, earning a roll of the eyes – and a small smile – from Bea.  “Before,” Allie began more seriously a few seconds later, “that wasn’t me doubting you.  It was me, just, wanting you to be happy,” she breathed out, stroking Bea’s cheek softly, her heart aching for Bea as her eyes fluttered shut at Allie’s touch.  “But if you do this, if you have to fight, then I’m going to fight with you.  Not because I’m too stupid to think for myself, or because your raw, ‘Top Dog, tight bodied footie player’ sex appeal has addled my brain,” Allie continued, ignoring Bea as she rolled her eyes at her, “but because I believe you, and I believe in you.”

“Why?” Bea asked honestly, before she could think better of it.

“I meant what I said before, in the slot.  You may not want to be, but you are inspiring,” Allie replied.  “Not because you’re the biggest, or the strongest, or the meanest, but because you’ve gone up against the biggest, and the strongest, and the meanest, and you won,” Allie continued, smiling proudly over at Bea despite the redhead’s almost pained look at hearing herself described in such a way.

“When you were still at Walford, I was here,” Allie went on.  “I heard how these women talked about you, how much they admired you. Just hearing them talk, it made me wet for you before I even laid eyes on you,” she continued, allowing herself a moment to enjoy the blush that touched Bea’s cheeks, even after all that they had just done on her bed.  

“I’ll admit it, when you first warned me about Joan, I thought you were being a bit of a drama queen,” Allie sighed, though she ended up having to bite down on a smile when Bea shot her a look so adorably pissy that Allie wouldn’t have been able to imagine something so perfect.  “But, what you said about her … you were right. I’ve been sure she jammed me up since the day I got out of the slot. And, after I saw it, you know like, after I saw her, I started to go back over things, and if I’m not paranoid or crazy, then she’s fucking terrifying,” Allie said, shuddering a little.  “She’s a snake and, even though I wish it wasn’t true, I’ve been worried that Kaz is blind to it. Earlier, I asked you why you didn’t just let go, but I get it now.  It’s because it’s right thing to do.  I wanted to ignore it so that I could have you all to myself, but … if you don’t fight then there’s no one else. Joan is fucking glued to Kaz’s side, and Kaz has got …”

“The women,” Bea supplied wryly, though there was a genuine note of pain around the edges of her words.

“Not everyone,” Allie murmured, lifting their joined hands up to her mouth and placing a gentle kiss on the back of Bea’s hand.

Bea smiled and blushed, both despite herself, but both honest as could be.

“You’re kind of her girl too,” Bea breathed out, twisted up inside with the knowledge of it, as she always was when she thought about what, and who, Allie risked to be with her like this, as she was now, scrambling in the dirt to keep from sliding any further down the hill.

“Not like this,” Allie replied before she leaned in and brought their lips together, her hand teasing proprietorially down Bea’s back before palming Bea’s ass as she licked into Bea’s mouth.  “I know you’ve wondered,” Allie exhaled as Bea looked at her, more than a little dazed.

“I didn’t,” Bea muttered once she had, fully returned to herself.

“Liar,” Allie declared.

“Nuh uh,” Bea replied, shaking her head as she teasingly glared at Allie.

“Ya uh,” Allie sassed back, her heart racing when Bea grinned at her, and then laughed that dry laugh, that cracked laugh, rough and stiff with disuse, but beautiful, like a dipping and zagging bird struggling to find her wings again after being too long caged.

“I did wonder,” Bea admitted softly.

“And now you don’t have to,” Allie breathed out.  “It’s like you told Jones,” she went on reaching up to stroke Bea’s cheek.  “I’m yours. And I’m with you,” she whispered before leaning in to kiss Bea again

When they parted, Bea propped herself up on her arm and looked down at Allie with an expression on her face Allie found difficult to determine.

“What?” Allie asked lightly.

Bea’s eyes dropped down to consider Allie’s nudity, and when she looked back her gaze was hooded and heavy with lust, and Allie was caught. A Yeti could have walked into the cell and started doing the Charleston and Allie wouldn’t have noticed because no one in their right mind would look away from a woman who was looking at her the way Bea was.

“I want to have you again,” Bea breathed out huskily, seriously impacting Allie’s ability to breathe, and think, and just exist really.

“I want …” Allie began slowly, looking and sounding very much like a woman who’s mind was still on Bea Smith’s fingers between her legs, “what you want, so if that’s your heart’s desire, you definitely have an enthusiastic thumbs up from me,” she continued, earning a light slap to her arm from Bea, and more of that beautiful soft husky laughter, before Bea straddled her waist and leaned down, kissing her like a woman that wanted to make someone beg.

“I don’t want to bug ya,” Liz began, carefully opening the door to Bea cell, not wanting to wake her if she had finally managed to settle down for a few consecutive hours of sleep. “I just … oh … OH!” Liz exclaimed catching sight of what was happening on Bea’s bed.  “You’re busy,” Liz said throwing up her hands before spinning on her heels and turning right back around, making her way out of the door and closing it behind her as smoothly as she had entered.

Bea closed her eyes and groaned before lowering herself down onto Allie’s body and burying her face in her neck.

“Look at the bright side,” Allie began, and Bea groaned again.  “At least you’ll have something to talk about at dinner.”

“Get out,” Bea muttered into Allie’s shoulder.

“No,” Allie gasped.  “She might be lurking out there.”

“Get out,” Bea muttered again, pinching gently as Allie’s waist.

“No, ow, no,” Allie replied, slapping at Bea’s hand.  “I mean honestly, do you really want to find out what might come out of my mouth if Liz corner’s me without you there to say ‘Don’t.  Don’t!  Just don’t’ when honesty threatens to be my policy,” Allie went on, laughing when Bea glared at her.

Bea turned to stare at her door, considering it for a few long, serious, moments before she turned back to Allie.

“Let’s just both stay here for a while,” she said, not quite ready to face the real world and all of the problems that awaited her beyond her bed and Allie’s arms.

“Okay,” Allie agreed, more than content to stay wrapped up with Bea forever. “But you know she’s gonna think we’re doing it, right?”

“So what? This becomes the part I’m supposed to say, ‘So we could as well do it’?” Bea asked arching a questioning eyebrow at Allie.

“Excellent idea, Bea,” Allie declared before sweeping Bea into her arms and flipping them over so that she was on top.  “So glad you suggested it. In fact,” she continued, running a thoughtful finger down Bea’s sternum and the over firm abdominal muscles, enjoying the way they twitched with anticipation at her touch, “You’re full of excellent ideas.”

And then Allie was sliding between Bea’s thighs again and hooking Bea’s legs over her shoulders, intent on showing Bea just how excellent the idea really was.

 

The End


End file.
